Understanding Self-Sabotage: Thief of Personal Growth

Would you like some input on what might be holding you back from succeeding? What about a practical resource that can help you naturally overcome any fear you have around failure. 

Have you ever found that you failed because did nothing at all or did the opposite of what you needed to do? If so, lack of discipline and fear of failure or even fear of success may have caused you to sabotaged yourself!  

Self-sabotage is when you act in opposition to what you are trying to accomplish.

Can you relate to the following ways of sabotaging yourself? What about "procrastination" or putting things off. Maybe you had a great idea but never even started to make it a reality. You never quite took action when you knew you should. Instead, you let the idea roll around in your head until you dropped it. 

Perhaps you did start something like writing a book or launching a new business, but then you became overwhelmed and piddled along until you let it drop. Or you went gangbusters for a while--until you had a set back--then you quit. You freaked out or froze. You stopped dead in your tracks and never started again. 

Why do people fail?  What keeps you from becoming the person you were meant to be and from getting where you want to go? 

Maybe you have tremendous talent and ability, but still seem to have trouble succeeding. The reason? Call it what you will: procrastination, letting the ball drop, losing your vision or your focus, fear of failure or fear of success, they all lead to self-sabotage and all have one thing in common.  

Old wiring of the neurons in your brain causes your subconscious mind to override your conscious desire for success. You go on auto-pilot and do two things that your past experiences have programmed into your subconscious mind.   

Firstly, you find it difficult to focus and discipline yourself. Perhaps you never learned how, or you rather play than work. Secondly, you may struggle with fear. This fear is often hidden, but it can cause you to do the opposite of what you need to do to succeed.  

The good news is that your brain is not fixed like your shoe size. Also, some failure is a necessary step for success. It's often through failure that you learn from your mistakes. Now, failure is not your focus, but failure is where you can learn and make progress.

With a proper guide and training, your brain can rewire itself and learn new patterns of success. Why not start now to do something different and rewire your brain! My book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube© Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change     http://amzn.to/ZGnDKc         can help you understand yourself and give you tools and four key steps for dealing with fears and negative habit patterns. 

"Making It Safe:" A Choice-Cube Tool

Here are four simple steps that can change any relationhip for the better.

Try it and see how it helps. P.S. There's a funny video after the steps.

1.  Acknowledge what the other person is feeling. You don't have to understand it or agree with it. Just acknowledge it.

2.  Touch the person gently if it is appropriate.

3.  Reassure the other of your concern and willingness to understand the problem and work it out with him or her. 

4.  Offer to help solve the problem. Note:This is the last thing you do. Don't try to solve the problem until the other feels heard, understood and accepted.

Now Click here...It's NOT About The Nail!: 

From: Become The Person You Were Meant To Be - The Choice-Cube Method: Step by Step To Choice and Change (2nd Edition. p.118).

Note: You can use this tool to calm and support your won "inner child."

Stop It You Two!

Stop it you two! Stop it, now! Brenda was screaming at her two oldest children; her lovely blond eighteen-year-old daughter Susan, and her twenty-nine-year-old son John. They were at it again.

“You never listen to me.” Susan yelled. “

“And you’re a loser. Why should I listen to you,” John, red-faced, but still handsome hollered back. The brother and sister were toe-to-toe, eyeball-to-eyeball shouting and throwing memories of old hurts at one another. As they blamed, criticized, and judged one another, never once did John or Susan look at themselves and question what they might be doing wrong.

Brenda felt as is she were suffocating. Without realizing it, she had covered her ears with her hands and was slowly shaking her head feeling helpless and hopeless. “I give up.” she whispered to herself. As Brenda left the room breathing a sad little sigh, the two children were still arguing at the top of their voices. This familiar screaming match had been going on for years and Brenda felt helpless to change the situation or help her kids.  Forty minutes later, and it wasn’t over.

At that moment, the only thing Brenda knew to do was pray. Slowly, she made her way to her bedroom and fell to her knees. “Father God,” she pleaded, “Please help John and Susan find a way out of this mess. It breaks my heart and dishonors you. Please show me what to do.”

Brenda wasn’t crying. She had been through this too many times before. She was cried out. She just waited there, kneeling beside her bed, how long she wasn’t sure. Maybe she had even dozed off. But suddenly, she wide awake and it all seemed simple.

Brenda was a committed Christian and so were her three grown children. Here’s the answer she heard herself say, “We simply have to do what God says. He says. ‘If you love me you will keep my commandments.’ Well, here they are and with his help, we can keep them.

James 1:22-23 - Be a doer of the Word, not a hearer only, deceiving yourself. 

Matthew: 23:25 - You hypocrite! First clean the inside of your cup and dish that the outside of them may be clean also.

Ephesians 4:25-27 - Take the log out of your eye before you try to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Ephesians: 4:26-28 - Be angry but do not sin: do not let the sun set on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

If you have tried and failed to keep these commandments, you may be hurting pretty bad, too. But getting stuck in anger or guilt doesn’t fix the problem. Why not try something different? I suggest that you stand back as an objective observer of your feelings, label them, and use the Choice-Cube tools to let go of them safely and appropriately (without hurting yourself or others).

You see, your negative emotions, and related stress, lock in distortions and limitations in your thinking, hiding the whole truth from you. They separate you from God. (He never leaves you, but you can’t really hear him.) Getting rid of those emotions (letting go of them, not denying or stuffing them) liberates your mind to see all sides of reality—the big picture--and choose which side you want to focus on.

NOTE: Whatever you focus on will get you more of it!

If you want more information about how to do this, check out my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube® Method. It’s on Amazon and at Barnes & Noble.

Don’t Know Your Healthy-Best-Self? This Can Be Dangerous!

Tom was certain he was not a smart guy. He just didn’t seem to think as fast as other people. The truth was that Tom had never given his brain a chance to find out what it could do. He barely got by at school and he had no interests outside of watching endless TV or playing video games. Current brain research, however is on Tom’s side. 

New studies show that his brain can make important changes. So can yours. Depending on the experiences you give your brain, it can rewire itself. This is called “neuroplasticity.” Just think, you can program and reprogram yourself with every choice you make! What does this mean for you?

Understanding the amazing power of your brain to change gives hope that it’s never too late to change. It’s never too late to discover your true identity as a unique person with special gifts and a healthy-best-real-self. Your healthy-best-real-self is the authentic, honest, compassionate, and curious part of you that sees reality clearly and is a problem-solver.  

When you operate from this part of you, you have a strong core, or personal identity, and you can set good boundaries. You are willing to take reasonable risks that lead to personal growth. Your life reflects balance and joyfulness. You don’t compare yourself to others. Instead, you strive for excellence, not as a perfectionist, but from your personal best. Here’s the best news of all! 

When you express your health-best-real-self and operate from your unique area of giftedness, you are the healthiest, most successful, and joyful. Gallup, a major assessment firm, even suggests that when you operate from your gifts, almost every one of your performances will be superior quality. If not. . . 

In contrast, failure to know and use your gifts, constantly forces you to function in a part of your brain where you are less gifted. This can be hard work that requires a greater expenditure of energy. PET scans show that your brain may be working 100 times harder when you are using skills outside of your natural giftedness! This is a dangerous situation that can cause you to feel confused, tired, and unfocused. It can hide the best of who you are, undermining your confidence, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth. There are other problems. 

As a result of overworking your brain because you are operating outside of you gifts, you may experience a lowered immune system or difficulties with your memory. Do you think you have a bad memory? Consider that you may have trouble with your memory simply because stress is causing the release of the stress related hormone cortisol that puts holes in your memory. It can turn it into Swiss cheese. So, here are some questions for you:  

• Have the struggles of life and difficult circumstances led you to make unwise choices so that now you  are uncertain about who you really are?
• Do you sometimes feel as if life is a prison that robs you of your freedom and keeps you from discovering  who you really are? 
• Are the treasures of giftedness and a healthy-best-real-self buried under stress, fear, fatigue,  pain, addiction, anxiety, and depression?
• Do you live with so much stress that problems have become the focus of your life. Have overcoming problems and just getting through the day and become your “purpose?”
• Are you on a deadly merry-go-round living without meaning and purpose in your life?
• Do you feel stuck? 

The danger here is that focusing on problems and difficulties leads to more issues and to self-defeat. It’s the law of sowing and reaping, “Whatever you focus on gets you more of the same.”

You can find a challenge and a meaningful purpose that flow from your giftedness and from the best of who you are.  Yes, this may take effort, but think of this as short-term pain that leads to long-term gain. 

For you, for Tom, and for anyone who is willing to make the effort, it’s never too late to discover the best of who you are. You can change, and become the person you were meant to be. *** You are programming yourself with every choice you make. *** Why not wake up, take responsibility for your choices, and make some healthy changes?

The Choice-Cube Method, found in the innovative self-help book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change, (http://amzn.to/ZGnDKc) can provide you with self-understanding, tools, and four dependable steps to help you stay aware, give you choice, and help you change. 

You Can Retrain Your Brain To Use Your Innate Talents and Strengths...Start Today!

THE BRAIN REWIRES ITSELF CONSTANTLY

Current brain research shows that your brain is capable of rewiring itself based on your experiences. Understanding this concept of “neuroplasticity” can give you hope that it’s never too late to change what you are experiencing. It’s never too late to discover your true identity as a gifted and healthy-best-real-self. It’s never too late to find a meaningful purpose for your life. 

DO YOU OPERATE FROM YOUR STRENGTHS?

LIke all humans, you will be the healthiest, joyful, and most successful when you operate from your unique area of giftedness. Failure to know and use your gifts forces you to function in a brain quadrant that is not your gift and requires greater expenditure of energy. PET scans show that your brain may need to work 100 times harder when you are using skills outside of your natural talents and strengths.

YOU'LL HAVE PROBLEMS IF YOU DON'T 

This is stressful and can lead to fatigue, a lowered immune system, and trouble with your memory as a result of stress related cortisol release. Often there is a tendency to isolate and self-medicate. Ignoring your areas of talent and your strengths can undermine your confidence, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth. It can hide away the best of who you are—your healthy-best-real-self. 

TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR HEALTHY-BEST-REAL-SELF

Your healthy-best-real-self is the authentic, honest, compas­sionate, and curious part of you that sees reality clearly and is a problem-solver. When you express your healthy self, you set good boundaries with others but can also be intimate. You strive for excellence, not as a perfectionist, but from your personal best. Your life reflects balance and joyfulness. You want to make a positive difference in the world.

WHY SUCH LOSSES?

You may have these two treasures of giftedness and a healthy-best-real-self buried under stress, fear, fatigue, pain, addiction, anxiety, and depression. Difficult circumstances and the struggles of life may have led to unwise choices so that now you feel stuck, unable to break free. Life may feel like a prison that robs you of your freedom and keeps you from discovering who you really are. 

Problems may have become the focus of your life. Perhaps you find yourself on a deadly merry-go-round where just getting through the day and overcoming problems have become your “purpose.” The danger is that focusing on problems and difficulties leads to more issues and to self-defeat. Remember, whatever you focus on gets you more of the same. It’s time to change your focus and become your own best friend instead of your your own worst enemy. 

A FIRST STEP

Consider finding a challenge and a meaningful purpose in life that flows from your innate talents and strengths and from the best of who you are—your healthy best real self. Yes, this may take effort, but think of this as short-term pain that leads to long-term gain. It’s never too late. 

Using the Choice-Cube Method for Choice and Change can help clear away blockages that hide your talents and strengths. You can discover your healthy, best-real-self.

Check out Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change on Amazon http://amzn.to/n0ztzX, Barnes&Noble http://bit.ly/16F3Dhi,  and IndieBound http://bit.ly/ZoTPsk