How many times a day do you need to take a deep breath to buy some time or clear your head and refocus? When you need to refocus, give the “Miracle Breath” a try. This simple little breathing exercise can help you get out of the parts of your brain that control fear and desire and get you back into your frontal cortex. Frontal cortex? What’s that? That’s the part of your brain that helps you think clearly and plan ahead. It’s right there behind the bones of your forehead.Read More
Do you know why changing seems so difficult? It's because of the automatic reactions of your body (stress), emotions, mind, and will/desires. Call them your inward reactions that come from your subconscious mind.Read More
How often have you found that no matter how hard you try to be more loving, or patient, less angry and judgmental, you can't do it? Or you do it for a while then fall back on your old behaviors.
Change is so difficult because of your negative inward reactions. Inward reactions are the automatic reactions of your body (stress), emotions, mind, and will/desires.) You may have trouble with them because you don't pay attention to them. You may not know how to change them or even that they exist.
Usually, negative inward reactions are the result of past painful “unfinished business” that was too overwhelming to face. So you locked away some or all of that information in your subconscious mind.
But the experience and your reactions have not gone away. Something in the present (a sound, a smell, or a comment from a friend) can trigger those reactions. Then, only a real conscious effort will allow you to expose and change them. It's a lot like playing the tunes on a CD. Your inward reactions are the CD and you are the CD player.
There are many approaches to change. If, however, you want change that lasts, you must always change those four inward reactions--bodily stress, emotions, thoughts, and desires.
YOUR TASK. Part of changing your inward reactions is to make what is subconscious conscious. Why? Isn’t it better to just leave these painful things alone? Why bring it all back to the surface?
The answer is that unless you make some things conscious, they sit in you, like bad, rotting food, and poison your whole system. Then when something triggers them, you are doomed to have the same thoughts and feelings and desires, and to do the same things, one more time. You will make the same mistakes over and over. Hopefully, you realize that you don’t want to keep making the same mistakes. Also, you can't consciouly change something if you're not aware of it.
HOW DO YOU MAKE SOMETHING CONSCIOUS AND CHANGE? But how, you might ask, do you make something conscious and change? Start by staying aware of your inward reactions (body, emotions, mind, and will). Your body sensations and emotions in particular are signals from your subconscious. Also. your mind is not always your friend. When you are really upset, note that your mind can get in the way, telling you things are okay, while your body--your gut--is saying, “Watch out!”
THE FASTEST WAY TO LASTING CHANGE. Not only is awareness of your inward reactions the way to your subconscious and to change, it is the fastest way to lasting change. And here's some good news. Once you know what to look for and can identify your reactions, you can use the tools you have to stop repeating the same mistakes and change.
You can retrain yourself to do some different--better for you and those you care for. When you change your inward reactions, you can change your deep beliefs and choose your behaviors. You actually rewire your brain.
In my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, you will find, among other things, a mental checklist, tools, and 4 steps to help you recognize your inward reactions, change your deep beliefs, and choose your behaviors. Click here http://amzn.to/Xw2YMZ to see inside the book.
You can retrain yourself, change, grow, and engage life more fully.
Trying hard to stay calm, cool and collected! This recent status report on Facebook caught my attention. In our super busy world, this statement sums up what many of us are trying to do, much of the time.
BODY We try to stay calm, cool and collected and control stress in our body (tense shoulders, teeth grinding, sweating, and shallow breathing). But often, we fail to manage our stress because we don't know how. Or we ignore and avoid what our body tells us.
EMOTIONS We may try, but find it impossible to control, negative emotions such as fear, anger, shame, and feeling overwhelmed. "I shouldn't feel this way." Perhaps we try to avoid them by distracting ourselves. Or we may avoid them as we block or ignore them. Going numb is a symptom of avoidance.
MIND - WILL We often do the same things with unacceptable thoughts and desires. We try to control them and figure them out. Or try to avoid them as we distract ourselves or go numb.
THEY DON'T JUST DISAPPEAR Whether we try to avoid or control these reactions, we don't take responsibility for them. And so we fail to deal with them constructively. Does that settle the matter? Oh no. Those messages from our bodies, emotions, or minds go underground—into our subconscious. And there they stay until they gather enough power to resurface, or until circumstances force them into our awareness.
A LOSE-LOSE SITUATION So we create a lose-lose conflict. It I let it all hang out, I lose. I hurt people or make a fool of myself. But if I mindlessly and automatically try to avoid or control my thoughts, feelings and desires, I also lose because I don’t really resolve them. What’s a person to do?
Good question. You can’t fix something if you are not aware of it. So why not allow yourself to think what you think, feel what you feel, want what you want? Willingness to stay aware gets you off auto-pilot. Now, you can take responsibiity for your reactions and make healthy changes.
TRY THE CHOICE-CUBE METHOD The simple Choice-Cube self-help method www.amazon.com can help you manage your body, thoughts, emotions, and desires. Here's how.
First, the method gives you a mental framework to help you stay in touch with what you feel think, and want. Second, there are simple tools to help you do what’s best for you and for those you care for. Third, there are four key steps to guide your change, in a rliable, systematic way, from inappropriate defensiveness to healthy problem-solving.
Using this method, you learn to feel, think, and want without having to act on it. Instead, you learn to use the framework, tools, and steps to make important changes and take the best course of action. You become your own BFF—best friend forever--and relate in a healthy way to those you care for.
JEN’S STORY. Jen is plagued with feelings of guilt and regret. She can’t control her rage. Last night, she yelled at her youngest child again because he accidentally spilled his juice on a brand new tablecloth. She hates herself for it now.
She has promised herself over and over that she’ll never do that again. But then another little accident happens, which sends her over the edge. Her son is 5-years-old, for crying out loud! He’s still terribly clumsy, Jen understands that. Now. But she didn’t see it that way last night.
IS SHE DOOMED? Is Jen doomed to react with rage? Is it simply who she is? Of course, not! She can change!
EASIER SAID THAN DONE. But it’s easier said than done. What Jen doesn’t understand is that no matter how hard she tries to be more patient with her son she will not succeed unless she changes the beliefs and the inward reactions that cause her angry outbursts.
Her reactions (stress, negative emotions, thoughts and desires) and her angry behaviors result from some painful “unfinished business” and distorted beliefs -- things too painful to bear locked away in her subconscious mind. Only a real conscious effort will enable her to change them.
JEN'S TASK. Her task is to make what is subconscious conscious. But why? Isn’t it better to just leave these painful things alone? Why bring it all back to the surface?
The answer is that unless we make some things conscious, we are doomed to make the same mistakes over and over. Hopefully, there comes a time when we realize we don’t want to keep making the same mistakes. We want to change.
HOW DO WE MAKE SOMETHING CONSCIOUS? But how do we make something conscious? I suggest that we start with staying aware of our body sensations and emotions. Usually, when dealing with the subconscious, our mind is not our friend! It just gets in the way. Our mind may be telling us things are okay, but our body--our gut--is saying, “Watch out!”
At moment like this, our conscious mind is not what we should be paying attention to. If we are wise, we will learn to pay attention to signals from our subconscious that surface as our inward reactions--the reactions of of our body (stress), negative emotions, mind/mental pictures, and will/desires.
THE FASTEST WAY TO LASTING CHANGE. The fastest way to lasting change is through changing our inward reactions. Remember, these are the reactions of our body, emotions, mind, and will/desires. Once we know what to look for and can identify our reactions, we can begin to change them. And, good news! If we learn to work with our inward reactions, we can retrain ourselves to stop repeating the same mistakes. Even better, when we know how to change our inward reactions, we can change our deep beliefs and choose our behaviors. We can actually rewire our brain.
In my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, you will find, among other things, tools and 4 steps to help you recognize, and work through, your inward reactions and deep beliefs. Click here to see inside the book http://amzn.to/Ug268G. You can retrain yourself, change and grow, and engage life more fully. Also, click here http://www.choicecube.com to check out my website and learn about the method. Copyright Dr. Beth Blevins Cujé 2011