Staying Steady in Tough Times

What is the secret to staying steady in tough times?

I believe the answer lies with inner healing. By that I mean
successful management--'healing'--the inward reactions of your:

          body (stress),
          emotions,
          mind (thoughts and pictures in your mind)
          will/desires (misdirected)

If you pay close attention to your inward reactions and manage them well,
you will become resilient, confident, and have hope.

The self-help book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be,
shows you how to recognize and manage your inward reactions.
True, doing so takes effort. But your efforts will reward you
with optimism and confidence that things will work out.

Take a look at the book on www.amazon.com. Or check out my website www.choicecube.com. You might find it extremely helpful.

Stuck or Free: Your Choice!

The problem is not that we are depressed, anxious, angry, or in conflict. This is normal, a part of life.

The problem is when we get stuck and seem unable to resolve our issues. We fail to make healthy choices. We repeat old ones and can't seem to change.

Why do we get stuck in this way? Because we fail to stay present, consciously aware. We seem unable to see the whole truth of a situation with compassion for ourselves and others.

Instead, We go on auto-pilot. Our powerful sub-conscious mind takes over. Instincts and automatic habits dictate our reactions to ourselves, others, and the world. Often, we don't even realize it.

Our creative, problem-solving conscious mind can control the reactions of our body, emotions, mind (thoughts and pictures in our mind), and will/desires. Instead, they control us.

We no longer seem free to choose. Unresolved past experiences stored in our sub-conscious mind run our life.

Understanding, having tools and four steps to freedom can give us choice and help us change. This is what my recently published book, "Become the Person You Were Meant to Be," is about.

You may want to check it out on my website www.choicecube.com.

Go Down The Middle

Stay out of the Victim-Victimizer Swing! Go "Down the Middle" instead.

And what, you may ask, does that mean? It's like this. In any difficult situation,

we have three choices. Two are defensive. One, Go Down the Middle," helps us grow.

 Take a look.

Choice # 1: I defend myself as a victim when I inappropriately try to avoid difficulties.

For example: "Please don't hurt me. I'm afraid to know the truth. If I make nice everything will be okay."

Choice #2: I defend myself as a victimizer when I inappropriately try to control difficulties.

For example: "I refuse to discuss it! It's all your fault. I'm always right. Do it my way."

Choice #3: I grow when I "go down the middle" and seek the truth with compassion

 for myself and others. I am willing to set healthy boundaries and speak the truth with kindness.

For example: "We have a problem. I want to work it out. Help me to understand where you are coming from."

This kind of honesty and vulnerability often means short-term pain but it also holds the seeds for long-term gain and growth.

"Down the middle". . . not always easy to do, but so worth it.

The Victim-Victimizer Swing

In the Victim-Victimizer Swing, we respond to people and situations as victims (one-down, less-than, under-dog) or as victimizers (one-up, better-than, top-dog).

As victims, we Avoid! Avoid! Avoid! We give up our healthy self and try to find our identity and safety in submission and weakness. For example, "I 'm afraid to confront or argue with anyone. I must "make nice" all the time. I'm afraid to let people know what I reallly think."

As victimizers, we Control! Control! Control! We try to find our identity and safety in domination and control. For example, " I have all the answers. I know better. I'll fix you and everyone else. It must be done my way."

Though we swing between being both the victim and victimizer, one position will be our default--the position where we start and end.

The solution is first, to recognize when we are being victims or victimizers and then to "Go Down The Middle." I'll discuss this next time.

If you are interested in learning more about the V-V Swing, you can pick up a copy of my book, "Become the Person You Were Meant to Be" on www.amazon.com.

Let me hear from you.

Change and Rewire Your Brain

Yes, I said it!  Rewire your brain.
It works like this. Each time we repeat a
thought, emotion,or action, we go over
pathways in our brain that carry the
information and energy of that reaction.

Repeatedly going over nerve pathways is like
repeatedly driving a car over a dirt road,We
create ruts in that road that deepen every
time we drive over them. This makes them
more likely to grab our tires and force
us to stay in the rut.

In the same way, the more we repeat a thought,
emotion, or action, the more power we give it
to grab us and cause us to repeat it again and again.

In fact ruts or pathways can become so deep
that it often seems easier just to roll along
and allow them to control us.

Here's where rewiring comes in. We can train
ouselves to stay aware of what we are tempted
to repeat, but do something different. When we
do something different, we interfere with the
old ruts or nerve pathways. Now, we can refuse
to go over them and choose to make new, healthier
pathways. We actually rewire our brains.

Out with the old. In with the new!
Let's get started.