The Victim-Victimizer Swing

In the Victim-Victimizer Swing, we respond to people and situations as victims (one-down, less-than, under-dog) or as victimizers (one-up, better-than, top-dog).

As victims, we Avoid! Avoid! Avoid! We give up our healthy self and try to find our identity and safety in submission and weakness. For example, "I 'm afraid to confront or argue with anyone. I must "make nice" all the time. I'm afraid to let people know what I reallly think."

As victimizers, we Control! Control! Control! We try to find our identity and safety in domination and control. For example, " I have all the answers. I know better. I'll fix you and everyone else. It must be done my way."

Though we swing between being both the victim and victimizer, one position will be our default--the position where we start and end.

The solution is first, to recognize when we are being victims or victimizers and then to "Go Down The Middle." I'll discuss this next time.

If you are interested in learning more about the V-V Swing, you can pick up a copy of my book, "Become the Person You Were Meant to Be" on

Let me hear from you.