Dr. Beth shares insights about
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I was fascinated to hear Herman Cain, Republican candidate for President, clearly state that he refuses to be a victim. Would you agree that the opposite of a victim is a victimizer? It’s true. And everyone is capable of becoming both a victim and a victimizer.
But a third option exists. We always have the choice to respond to people and situations as victims, victimizers, or as problem-solvers looking for a win-win solution.
ARE HABITS RUNNING YOUR LIFE? It’s a good idea to become aware of the little, and big, habits that run your life; the ones that keep you on auto-pilot. Why not sit down and look over your current lifestyle. Ask yourself what you are doing that is mindless, habitual, and no longer enjoyable. You may even have a habit pattern that is hurtful to yourself and others.
WE LOVE THAT COMFORT ZONE! Change is always challenging! And most of us structure our lives to stay in our comfort zone. But avoiding change and staying stuck in the comfort of mindless habits can lead to stagnation, or worse. Not a pretty picture.
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
Are you feeling depressed, anxious, angry, or in conflict? This is a normal part of life. Getting stuck feeling this way is the problem.
THE PROBLEM IS:
We get stuck when our focus is off and we keep repeating painful or damaging thoughts, feelings, desires, and behaviors that hurt us and others. Life can feel overwhelming when we try, but fail to avoid or control things that keep coming back to haunt us. We often feel paralyzed when we are in conflict and uncertain about our next move. Or we jump the track and act crazy. To get relief, we shut down and simply repeat hurtful old thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Or we blindly make unhelpful new choices. We are stuck and that’s the problem.
WHY DO WE GET STUCK THIS WAY?
We get stuck because our powerful subconscious mind takes over and our thinking becomes lopsided. We cannot see the whole truth of the situation—the big picture. And we lack hope and compassion for ourselves and others. Our subconscious mind stirs up instincts and habits that force us to see ourselves, others, and the world in painful, but familiar ways. And often we don't even realize how mean and ugly our focus is; or how hurt and angry our focus makes us feel. We get stuck on auto-pilot and our subconscious mind, not our conscious mind, is running our show.
2 KEYS TO FREEDOM
We can find freedom if we stay conscious and know how to get off auto-pilot. Here are two keys to help us. The first key is to stay aware of where we focus, what we feel, and how we react. The second key is take responsibility for our part in the problem and to look for the truth of the situation. Using these two keys creates choice. And freedom to choose is the first step toward the change we desire. It's all about turning off the auto-pilot and taking full command.
WE CAN CONTROL OUR FOCUS
Our creative, problem-solving conscious mind can control the reactions of our body, emotions, thoughts, pictures in our mind, desires, and behaviors. When we stay in our conscious mind--aware, responsible, and off auto-pilot--we can always find more appropriate ways of responding to life. Instead of falling back on old hurtful habits and ways of doing things, we can do something different and helpful.
THERE'S THE PROBLEM AGAIN
But there's that problem again. It's so easy to lose our focus, go on auto-pilot and get stuck. Without a constant effort to stay aware and responsible, our sub-conscious takes over, controls us, and we repeat the same old things one more time. We can get terribly stuck!
THIS SELF-HELP BOOK AND CHOICE-CUBE METHOD CAN HELP
The self-help book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, by Dr. Beth Cujé can help guide you to greater awareness and freedom. You can begin to understand yourself and why you do the things you do the things you do. You can learn to have choice and change. The method will give you:
• A mental framework to help you self-monitor and stay aware
• Simple tools to give you choice and help you change
• Four steps guide your change and help you get free
[gallery]LISA’S STORY Have you ever thought about what might be engraved on your tombstone when you die? Lisa is absolutely certain her engraving will read: Here lies a woman who never had any time for anything. That’s exactly what she says. All the time.
Lisa wants to go back to college and get her degree, but with a husband and two kids to take care of, she doesn’t have time to study. She wants to go to the gym, or perhaps go to yoga classes, but she doesn’t have time for that, either. She doesn’t have time to get together with girlfriends, doesn’t remember when was the last time she went to the hair salon - and shopping? Whenever she does head for the department store it’s strictly the Children’s Clothing or Housewares Department for her. She doesn’t have time to do anything for her – just her.
Lisa loves her family, so she feels guilty for feeling less than satisfied with her life. But she’s also frustrated, sad, and even despairs sometimes that all she’ll ever do for the rest of her life is care for her family.
STUCK IN A RUT Lisa is absolutely and unequivocally stuck. Stuck in a rut a lot of women get stuck in and find it hard to get out of. And what do we do? Do we go on with our daily chores and tasks and continue complaining OR do we try to change something?
Sadly, most of us remain stuck. And dissatisfied with the life we live. What does it take to get unstuck? Is it really that hard?
HERE’S SOME HELP In my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, I explain the difference between being in the shadow and being in the light. When we are in the shadow, we rely on inappropriate reactions, habits and behaviors to deal with our issues. In Lisa’s case, she’s often moody, irritated, and blames her family as much as she blames herself for not being able to pursue her dreams. She feels helpless and wallows in self-pity.
On the other hand, when we are in the light, we resort to healthier habits and reactions. We feel things like gratitude, self-awareness, and acceptance. We don’t assign blame, but rather seek change.
CHANGE OUR MIND – CHANGE OUR DESTINY Our state of mind (whether it is negative-shadow or positive-light) controls each moment of our life. And our moments add up to create our destiny. The good news is that we can learn (or train ourselves) to be mindful, and recognize each state of mind and change it if it is shadow so that we can confidently step into the light. This process is as physical (we must manage stress and also rewire our brain) as it is psychological!
You can find out more in my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be. Here’s your chance to download its first chapter for FREE. Just click here and get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you. You can retrain yourself, change and grow, and engage life more fully.
Ignoring the laws of the universe can lead to unfortunate results. Take for example the law of gravity. If we jump off a ten-story building, we’re dead. Rather unfortunate.
Less concrete, but just as real, ignoring the law of sowing and reaping can also lead to disastrous results. For example, if we plant seeds of dishonesty, negative and toxic thoughts, words, and actions—poor seeds—we will get a sickly harvest. We reap what we sow.
You can find my book on Amazon.
