The Most Important Question You’ll Ask Yourself: Are You in Shadow or Light?

                                                                  WANT SOME CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE?

Do you seek greater clarity in life? Increased freedom? Emotional stability?

HERE'S ONE WAY

In her book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, Dr. Beth Cujé argues that the best way to achieve a fuller life and become, indeed, the best you can be, the best version of you is to cross the bridge from shadow to light.    ,

 

 But what does she mean by that? What is shadow and what is light?

LIGHT

“Light is where we want to be”, Beth says. “In the light we have presence of mind. We can see both the down-side and up-side of reality and can choose to be honest and compassionate. We solve problems successfully and take constructive action.”

SHADOW

“In the shadows,” she continues, “we go on autopilot. We defensively react to things that threaten or arouse us. Reality seems lopsided, all bad or all good. This makes it difficult to see the full truth—the big picture—and make wise decisions. Actually, when we are in the shadows, we have only one decision to make—one thing to do—and that is to get back in the light. But first, we must recognize shadow.”

MORE ABOUT LIGHT

First, let's delve deeper into what it means to be “in the light”. Being in the light is a healthy way of life. We are able to think things through and see the consequences of our actions. We are open to the truth, and we want it even though it may hurt. We feel compassion for ourselves and we have a clear sense of who we are. We don’t resort to inappropriate strategies to avoid or control problems. On the contrary, we respond appropriately by desiring to resolve problems.

Our body is relaxed.  Our emotions are positive. Our mind and our will are flexible and balanced. We can indeed see the big picture. When we live in the light we experience the following, among others:

 • Gratitude

• Self-awareness

• Avoiding denial or blaming

• Taking responsibility for own reactions

• Authenticity, being real

• Awareness of our strengths and weaknesses

• Truth-seeking

• Acceptance of others

• Forgiveness of others

• Acceptance of God’s forgiveness

MORE ABOUT SHADOW

When we are in the shadows, our main goal is to protect or satisfy ourselves. We are focused on a problematic person, habit, or situation. Anyone can go into the shadows. That’s a part of life. The problem is when we are stuck there and unable to cross the bridge into the light through the appropriate means. So, we are stuck using avoid and control strategies that will not lead to the resolution of the problem.

The idea of looking for truth or compassion is not important.  We are not in balance. Everything is all good or all bad. We trust nothing and no one, or we are too trusting. We are either submissive or self-protective. When we are in the shadows, we experience these behaviors, among others:

• Unwilling to forgive

• Under-responsible or over-responsible

• Withdrawn

• Preoccupied, hesitant

• Overly sensitive or shy

• Moody, irritable

• Sick frequently without medical cause

• Frequent aches and pains

• Needing constant praise

• Inappropriately defensive

HOW TO MANAGE SHADOW AND LIGHT

If you recognize some of these shadow behaviors in yourself, don’t feel disheartened. The Choice-Cube Method® can help step into the light. Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist and author of the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, is giving you the opportunity to download the first chapter of the book for FREE. Just click here and see what the Choice-Cube Method® can do for you today.

 

Learn This Great One Minute Body Scan Relaxation Exercise

Before you begin:

1.  Put yourself on a Stress Scale 0-10. Zero is totally relaxed. Ten is totally tense.
 2.  Slow down your breathing and inflate an imaginary balloon in your            belly. Then let  the air out, slowly and gently.

3. Continue to breathe slowly and  deeply while you scan down your body as   follows:

-      Relax between your eyes; stop frowning.

-      Relax your upper lip and the inside of your mouth and tongue

-      Drop your shoulders

-      Relax the palms of your hands

-      Relax your knees

-      Maintain the slow deep breathing, filling and emptying the balloon.

-      Move your attention to your feet. Feel the ground pressing up against the soles of your feet, and imagine           them getting wider and longer.

-      Watch your breathing. Slow down.

-     Gently move your toes and feel your feet                           getting larger, wider, longer, and starting to  put down       roots.  Imagine those roots going  down deep into the       ground.

-     Now, repeat the body scan, and as you do, let all               tension drain down and out through the roots to the         gently flowing river of life beneath them: 

-      Relax the space between your eyes.

-      Relax your upper lip, tongue, and insides of your                 mouth.

-      Drop the shoulders.

-      Relax the palms of your hands.

-      Relax your knees.

-      Feel the ground beneath your feet.

-      Grow the roots.

-      All tension drains down through the roots to the river and is swept away gently as the river flows and              carries away your stress. 

When you do this exercise you train your brain to be fully aware of your physical state. Regular repetition of this exercise teaches teach you how to interrupt stress before it overcomes you and changes your brain.

Do you want to feel this good all the time?

Now you can! Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist and author of the book Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, gives you the chance to download its first chapter for FREE. This exercise is just one of many life-changing tools you will learn in it. Just click here and confirm what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.

Feeling a Bit Stressed Out? 2 Great Tools to Manage Tension

Do you feel you’re stuck in a rut? Is there something about your life you wish to change, but have no idea how? In her book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, Dr. Beth Cujé sets forth a series of steps and tools that help you go from shadow into light, in other words, from a problem-focused reality to a problem-solving one.

Now, the first step in crossing this bridge from shadow into light is recognizing that you have a problem, and recognizing the stress that this causes on your body. In her book, Beth provides some very handy, easy to do exercises, to manage the tension. In the tradition of Andrew Weil, use these tools to calm your body and reconnect with your feelings and thoughts.

Deep Breathing

First check to see how stressed you feel on a scale from 0 to 10. Zero is mild stress, 5 is strong stress, and 10 is totally stressed. 

1. Release your breath through your mouth with a whoosh.


2. Put your tongue behind the ridge on the roof of your mouth, behind your upper teeth. Slowly inhale through your nose, mouth closed, to the count of 4. Imagine you have a balloon in your stomach that you fill as full as possible. Feel it expand.


3. Hold the breath to the count of 7.


4. Now put your tongue behind your lower teeth. Relax and exhale slowly through your mouth with a gentle whoosh to the count of 8.


5. Repeat the inhale to the count of 4 with your tongue behind your upper teeth. Hold to the count of 7, and whoosh out gently for the count of 8.


6. Continue the exercise for 4 or 5 rounds as you continue to breathe slowly and calmly.


7. Notice how you feel now. Are you lower on the Stress Scale?

Continue breathing as deeply as possible in this way for as long as you want, or until you feel calmer. When you are finished, check your Stress Scale again to see if you are less stressed.

Another great way to reconnect with yourself and calm the tension in your body is through this hand-tapping tool:

Hand-Tapping

 Start by becoming aware of your breathing.

• As you breathe deeply, tap with the side of one hand (the fleshy part on the little finger

side) on the palm of the other hand.

• Tap firmly and repeatedly in a chopping motion.

• As you tap, give yourself permission to feel whatever surfaces, and imagine letting

go of it by breathing it out.

Feels great, doesn’t it? Now, that you feel a bit calmer, it’s time to consider what you want for your life. Want to feel fully liberated from everyday stress? The Choice-Cube Method® can help you. Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist and author of the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, is giving you the opportunity to download the first chapter of the book for FREE. Just click here and see what the Choice-Cube Method® can do for you today.

4 Things That Keep You From Changing

Most of us understand at one point or another that there is something we should change in our lives. But we are unable to make this change. Why? Because we resist change. It's as simple as that. Instead of changing, we are stuck making the same unwise, inappropriate choices, time and again. But before we can break this vicious pattern of resistance, we must understand that there are four areas of inward reactions, four tendencies that keep us stuck and far from changing.

1.  Body: We Regress Under Stress, or “I just want to survive!”

With enough emotional, physical or mental stress, anyone will shift into survival mode. Our body takes charge, and all we want is to reach a safe place or get what we want. Rather than remain present and focused on solving the problem, we reach back to earlier experiences for familiar ways of coping. And we use these old coping mechanisms regardless of whether they are truly appropriate.

2.  Emotions: Repetition Compulsion, or “I have to do it again it until I get it right!”

If a problem remains unresolved, it will keep cropping up to demand resolution. Emotions that Wwe have failed to release and distorted thoughts drive us. We feel compelled to create situations that are similar to the original wound, loss or trauma. This is a reflection of our unconscious need to resolve issues. There is always the hope that things will turn out differently this time. But because of our issues, and because we are accustomed to dealing with them in a certain way, we simply repeat the same old strategies only to end up with the same old results.

 3.  Mind: Projections and Self-Fulfilling Prophecies, or “I must make the world outside of me agree with the world inside my head.”

We feel the drive to make the external world conform to our internal world. This need for consistency makes out mind seek out or create whatever confirms our beliefs. And we reject whatever contradicts them. Mental defenses such as denial and repression help us achieve this. If we can’t create the familiar situation, then we will simply imagine it, or project it. We constantly give off signals to make others see us in agreement with the distortions and lies of our past wounds. One way or another, we make our present reality agree with our. It's as if we create a negative prophecy about ourselves and then bring it to pass--a "self-fulfilling prophecy

4.  Will: The Path of Least Resistance, or “The devil I know is better than the devil I don’t know.”

It is natural to wish for things to remain the same rather than change; it maintains our homeostasis. There is also the fear of the unknown. Our innate, deep desire to keep things just the way they are, combined with our fear of the unknown, lead us to respond with the same strategies rather than move beyond our comfort zone-- our habitual ways of thinking, acting and feeling. This need to keep things the same makes us endure a dissatisfactory, often painful, present rather than face the discomfort of change and adjustment to something new. Instead of risking short-term pain for long-term gain, we choose short-term relief that leads to long-term pain. Wow!

Want to know how we can beat these old tendencies that hinder us and keep us from changing? The Choice-Cube Method® can help you. Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist and author of the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, is giving you the opportunity to download the first chapter of the book for FREE. Just click here and see what the Choice-Cube Method® can do for you today.

 

 

 

Fair Fighting for Friends and Couples

                          * “We have a problem.
                               Let’s try to understand one another.
                               We can work this out.”

Start:

• Ask whether this is a good time to talk. Make sure your partner is willing
      to discuss issues.
• Clarify the rules of fair fighting (see below)and the issues to be  discussed. 
• Discuss them one at a time. Stay on track. Don’t in bring old garbage.

RULES FOR FAIR FIGHTING

Rule 1.   Take turns speaking.  When your partner speaks,  LISTEN!

Rule 2.   When it is your turn to speak,
                First, acknowledge your partner’s emotion(s) and repeat what you
                 heard him or her say.  (I can hear that you are angry.
                                                                  Here’s what I heard you say.)
               Second, state your reality (what you feel , think, and want).
               Third, allow your partner to say what s/he heard and state his or
                her reality.

Rule 3.   Use “I” language. Be direct and honest about what you, feel,  think, and want.

Rule 4.   Attack issues, not the person. Show respect in language, tone 
of voice and attitude.

Rule 5.   Stay in an attitude of trying to understand and problem solve. 
It is pointless to blame.

Rule 6.   *When necessary, use “time-outs”
                    Clarify that you are no longer willing to continue the discussion
                     at this time. Set a later time (in an hour, this afternoon, tomorrow)
                     to resume the discussion.

           *  No amount of talking will lead to problem-solving if you are not
              in a state of mind for solving problems