What Just Happened? Are You In The Victim-Victimizer Swing?

What Just Happened? Are You In The Victim-Victimizer Swing?

You are a success in everybody’s eyes. Maybe you are the one who “has it all.” Then one day, something happens. You lose your job or your spouse dumps you. Unlike a lot of people who see this as a loss and setback--something to overcome--you feel totally helpless and overwhelmed with life. You seem to have no resilience at all. Or you make a dramatic shift from being a rather easy-going person to an angry, vengeful one. Would you like to understand what happened?

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Dr. Ben Carson, A Siberian Tiger, And A Goat

The Russian newspaper headline reads, Siberian Tiger Becomes Unlikely Friends With A Goat It Was Given To Eat. According to the article, the two eat together, play together, and have a fine old time. 

What? How did this happen?

The article continues, “Simply stated, when the goat was released into the enclosure it did not show any fear. It didn’t act like prey.” “No one had taught the goat to be afraid of tigers, So the adversaries became friends, instead.” state the zoo park officials.

This recounting makes me think of Dr. Ben Carson’s story and how his mother refused to allow her sons to see themselves as victims. 

Humm, is there something here for us to learn? Think for a moment how Carson's refusal to see  himself as a victim may have freed him to become an outstanding neurosurgeon.

In Become the Person You Were Meant to Be there is a section that deals with the Victim-Victimizer Swing. Understanding how the "Swing" can take over and how to deal with it when you fall into it (and you will!) can change your life. By the way, it’s never too late to stop doing the same old thing and to do something new and different, 

 Read more at http://www.grindtv.com/wildlife/siberian-tiger-becomes-unlikely-friends-with-a-goat-it-was-given-to-eat.

 

You've Got Questions. This Book Has Answers

“Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method” 

   Purchase today at www.Amazon.com


Why do I often feel as if I’m hiding the real me?................. Chapter 18

 What are the signs of a functional family?....................................................Chapter 17

Why am I my own worst enemy?....Chapterer 10, page.83ff.

 Why is forgiving so hard for me?.....Pages 141, 106, 161

How can I be a good parent?............Chapter 17

·      Why do I often feel like a victim?......................................Page 83ff.

·      Why is change sometimes so hard? ...............................Chapter 6

·      Why do I always do what other people want?.............. Chapter 18

 

·      I want to change my husband, but I don’t know how………....….Page 104ff.

·      What are some ways I may try to avoid issues?……………….......…Chapter 1

·      What are some ways I may try to control issues?.........................Chapter 1

·      Can I really be my own best friend or loving parent?..................Chapter 19

 

·      How does my subconscious affect my life?..................................Page 79

·      How can I get more joy and peace in my life?..............................Chapter 2

·      How does someone become addicted and why?........................Chapter 20

·      Can I really break an addiction?  How?..........................................Page 172

 

·      What’s the best way to handle anger?...........................................Chapters 4 & 9

·       What does it mean to be mature?....................................................Chapter 21

·      What is one way to handle internal conflict?...................................Page 100.

·      What can I do when I’m between a “rock and a hard place?”…...Page 100

·       How do I build self-confidence?.......................................................Chapter 9

 

·      Why do I pick partners who make me miserable?.........................Pages 176-178

·      Are there really only three ways to deal with difficulties?............Chapter 1

·      Why do I feel so much shame?...........................................................Pages 160-167

·      Who is responsible for who I am today? My parents?....................Pages 179ff.

 

·      Do I have a false self?...............................................................................................Chapter 18

·      What happens in my brain when I create a habit? ……………………………… .....…Pages 31-32

·      Why do we create negative habits? …………………………………………………………….Chapter 14

·      Why do I keep repeating thoughts and actions that hurt me and others?......Chapter 6

·      Why am I so afraid of some things that my friends and family love?..............Pages 28ff.

·      Why do I swing between running away from issues and blowing up?.............Chapter 1

 

     If I missed one of your questions, I invite you to email me at: bethcuje@choicecube.com.

     I will do my best answer your question.    Warmly,  Dr. Beth

Catch Someone's Stress Like You Catch A Cold?

Emotions are energy and like a cold they can be “caught.” The more intimately connected you are to a person, the more vulnerable you are to being affected by his or her e-motions (energy in motion). There's always the danger that you may subconsciously take on feelings they deny, stuff them into your subconscious, and then unwittingly express them as if they were your own. 

Luis's Story..    Luise and his wife Tina are a case in point. Luis, a handsome 45- year-old, was an angry person who denied his anger. He was known as a “nice guy.” His wife, Tina, seemed to be the angry one. 

Eventually, Tina went into therapy for help with “her” anger. She worked hard in therapy and learned that she could choose whether or not to be angry. When she started to manage her anger, a strange thing happened: Luis started acting like one angry guy.  

All those years, Tina had subconsciously carried and expressed Luis’s stuffed anger. Now that her feelings of anger were under control, she no longer expressed his rage for him. This forced him to express it himself, and Mr. Nice Guy, to everyone’s surprise, started having unexplained temper flare-ups.

Are you struggling with a carried feeling reality? When you work with your emotions, stay open to the possibility that you, too may be struggling with a carried feeling reality (also called limbic resonance or “tanking”) You may have made someone’s denied feelings your own and now find yourself expressing them. 

Brad's Story.   Brad had an unreasonable terror of drowning from early childhood. He learned in therapy that his fear was a “carried feeling reality” that he had taken on from his mother. His mother, as a child, saw her own baby sister drown and couldn’t save her. To deal with the tragedy, his mom stuffed her feelings of grief, and guilt over her little sister’s death. She never resolved that issue and unconsciously, had passed those emotions on to her son who now had an unexplained fear of drowning. 

What about you? Are you possibly carrying someone’s emotionally energy for them? Do you want to make some changes? It is always possible to do something different. You can retrain yourself, change and grow, and engage life more fully. 

If you want to understand yourself better as well as seeing the research behind iwhat you learn, take a look at Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change.  The book can increase your self-understanding  and also provide 4 Key Steps and simple Tools or techniques to help you get unstuck, change, move toward becoming the person you were meant to be.