The Victim-Victimizer Swing
The victim and the victimizer are actually the same person. Both live inside of us,
because we are both.
Depending on where we are in life, we can become one or the other. In a negative state of mind--in the shadows--we swing between being victims and victimizers. We respond to people and situations either as a victim or a victimizer.
Are You A Victim?
As a victim, we are in the “one down, less than, underdog” position. We give up our healthy self and try to find an identity and safety in submission and weakness. The message is: “I am at someone’s mercy because of my needs and desires. I feel trapped.”
Are You A Victimizer?
As victimizers, we go against others. We take the “one up, better than, top-dog” position, trying to find an identity and safety in domination and control. The message is: “I stay in control and fix, criticize, or dominate others because of my needs and desires, or because I feel threatened.”
Some Facts About The Victim-Victimizer Swing:
- As far as we go one way, say as a victim, we will go equally far the other way, as a victimizer.
- We send out signals, with or without our awareness, to let others know our position, and others will respond to our signals.
- Victims seek out victimizers and vice versa. For example, women whose default position is victim usually end up with abusive partners.
What Is Your Default Position?
Though we swing between being both victim and victimizer, one position will be our default, the position where we start and end. Following is a look inside the minds of each:
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