4 Steps You Can Take Right Now To Change Your Life

Are you feeling stuck? Do you want to make some changes? You may feel conflicted, uncertain, or unequipped to make changes. You may even have felt this way for a while. But there is a way out. It's not complicated either. If you want to make changes to your life take the following 4 steps of the Choice-Cube Method. They can make a world of difference. But there's a secret. The four steps won't change you.

THE SECRET TO CHANGE     Guess what will... Truth and compassion * Yes, ultimately in all situations, it is not tools, techniques or steps, but truth and compassion that bring genuine change and healing.

BUT FIRST! Before you begin to use the Choice-Cube Method's tools and 4 steps for choice and change, I would like you to do two things. First, get an idea--a vision--of the best of who you are. Second, take the Choice-Cube Assessment Quiz  to find out how your body, emotions, mind and will/desires may be blocking you and holding you back from becoming who you were meant to be. Now, take a look at the Choice-Cube Method

THE CHOICE-CUBE METHOD'S 4 STEPS FOR TRUTH AND COMPASSION, CHOICE AND CHANGE   Step 1 - Body: Pay attention. Stay aware. Be an objective observer of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. What truth is your body trying to tell you? If you feel stressed, have some tools on hand to help you manage your stress and move on to Step 2.

Step 2 - Emotions: Don't be afraind to know the truth of what you feel. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and label them. You do not have to act on them. Emotions are signals from your body that tell you to pay attention and decide if what you are doing, or what is being done to you, is helpful or harmful. If you don't have tools to interrupt negative emotions and replace them, learn some. Then use them. Emotions can enrich your life if you know how to manage them well.

Step 3 - Mind: If you manage your stress and negative emotions it's time to look for the meaning you are attaching to the person, thing, action or problem that is upssetting you. Now is the time to look at yourself and see what needs to change within you. Be honest and patient with yourself  and others. Can you you stop focusing on something or someone outside of you that you think is the problem? Are you willing to take responsibility for your part in the problem? If so, you give yourself choice.

When you can see the problem and the meaning you attach; if you take responsibility for what you think, feel, want, and do; you can see the problem but also look for your options and strengths. When you can see both, try to seesaw between the two until you are ready to choose which one you prefer to focus on. This choice is critical because whatever you focus on will result in more of the same. Your focus will cause you to see what you are already looking for! This causes the formation of new mental and behavioral habits, healthy and harmful. 

Step 4 - Will/Desires:  Now, if you have managed your stress, negative emotions, and the meaning you attach--Steps 1 through 3--you can stop trying to avoid or control everything inappropriately. You can do something different. You can make changes and take action to resolve issues win-win--so that you and others feel fairly dealt with. You can replace the negative and act on the positive.

These four steps are the steps of the Choice-Cube Method for choice and change found in Become the Person You Were Meant to Be. In addition to the four steps, the book also provides a mental framework for self-understanding and tools for choice and change. Once you learn the steps and tools you can use them over and over to find immediate relief in the present and to make long-term lasting changes.

*Truth is defined here as a relatively realistic and complete picture of yourself, others, and the situation.Compassion is defined as consciousness of others’ and your own distress with a desire to alleviate it.

Does Your Body Hijack Your Mind?

When Jack feels upset, he tries to figure out what’s going on. Sometimes, he can, but more often he can’t find the answer. Janice in contrast, doesn’t even try to understand what’s happening. She just looks for someone to criticize or blame. 

Tom simply is not interested in trying to understand. He thinks that if he just forges ahead and works harder and harder, things have to get better. But usually they don’t.

These are all examples of people caught up in efforts to control people, things, actions, and problems.  

At the other extreme, are the people who try to avoid difficulties. Fran, for example, escapes her problems by getting high. Jack stuffs his thoughts and feelings about the problem, while Alice collapses, submits to the problem, and wallows in it. 

We have failed to understand and manage the overwhelming power of our body and emotions to hijack our mind and negatively influence our everyday life.  

Instead, for years, our efforts to help people with problems have focused on changing how they think—on their minds. We have ignored the role the body plays in driving us to avoid or control things that make us uncomfortable or threaten us in some other way. 

Why would we prefer to focus on the mind? Because honestly confronting our stress and emotions can be uncomfortable, even painful. In fact, we often choose to feel stuck and unable to change rather than deal directly and honestly with stress and negative emotions. 

This is dangerous. When we refuse to consciously and appropriately[1] manage stress and our emotions two things happen. First, stress and our emotions lock in warped and distorted thinking. Second, they hide the whole truth—the big picture--from us.

We then tend to use the avoid/control survival strategies, mentioned above, to keep stress and negative emotions from overwhelming us. The problem is that each time we repeat an old strategy, we strengthen it and create habit patterns of negative beliefs, reactions, and dysfunctional behaviors. 

Like Jack, Janice, and Alice, we reach for old, familiar strategies that prevent healthy resolution of issues. We strengthen the stress and negative emotions attached to them and create habit patterns that we mindlessly repeat and reinforce through repetition. 

It’s time to awaken to the role the body plays in what we think, feel, want, and do. It’s time to learn how to manage our stress and emotions moment-to-moment, instead of allowing stress and negative emotions to take over and control us. 

A first step is stress management training. This approach makes us aware of our body and often enables us to stay present in the moment. Body awareness and knowing how to use our mind to stay present is foundational. But there’s more, much more. 

Can you imagine a dependable method for choice and change that provides a simple framework to help you immediately recognize and label stress and negative emotions; tools that equip you to make wise choices and changes; and 4 steps to guide that change? 

Such a method would create an internal sense of safety as follows. I can trust the framework to help me recognize my stress and negative emotions, I can use the tools to help me take responsibility and make wise choices and changes. I can follow these 4 steps and do something different that leads to positive action.

The framework, tools, and 4 steps are like a tool kit that keeps you moving through problems and difficulties to a win-win resolution of them. 

When you can recognize your reactions and take responsibility for them, hopefully you have some simple tools to help you manage them. The tools should help you let go of crazy, hurtful thoughts--distorted information—and the emotions attached to those thoughts. 

Both the thoughts and the emotions--energy in motion--are embedded in the nervous system of your mind and body. It’s this distorted information and energy and that create the stress and negative emotions in the first place.

I would like to offer you the Choice-Cube® Method framework, tools and 4 steps to help you move through confusion, anxiety, anger, shame, and feeling overwhelmed to honesty and compassion for others and yourself. 

Would you like to learn how to use the framework, tools, and 4 steps in your life? They are found in, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method:  Step by Step to Choice and Change, by Dr. Beth Blevins Cujé. You can learn more about the method and sign up for a free copy of the first chapter of Dr. Cujé’s book. Just click here:  http://www.choicecube.com.

---

[1]  “Appropriately” means managing our stress and emotions without hurting ourselves or others.

Your Inward Reactions And Your Subconscious Mind

How often have you found that no matter how hard you try to be more loving, or patient, less angry and judgmental, you can't do it? Or you do it for a while then fall back on your old behaviors. 

Change is so difficult because of your negative inward reactions. Inward reactions are the automatic reactions of your body (stress), emotions, mind, and will/desires.) You may have trouble with them because you don't pay attention to them. You may not know how to change them or even that they exist.

Usually, negative inward reactions are the result of past painful “unfinished business” that was too overwhelming to face. So you locked away some or all of that information in your subconscious mind.

But the experience and your reactions have not gone away. Something in the present (a sound, a smell, or a comment from a friend) can trigger those reactions. Then, only a real conscious effort will allow you to expose and change them. It's a lot like playing the tunes on a CD. Your inward reactions are the CD and you are the CD player. 

There are many approaches to change. If, however, you want change that lasts, you must always change those four inward reactions--bodily stress, emotions, thoughts, and desires. 

YOUR TASK.      Part of changing your inward reactions is to make what is subconscious conscious. Why? Isn’t it better to just leave these painful things alone? Why bring it all back to the surface? 

The answer is that unless you make some things conscious, they sit in you, like bad, rotting food, and poison your whole system. Then when something triggers them, you are doomed to have the same thoughts and feelings and desires, and to do the same things, one more time. You will make the same mistakes over and over. Hopefully, you realize that you don’t want to keep making the same mistakes. Also, you can't consciouly change something if you're not aware of it.

HOW DO YOU MAKE SOMETHING CONSCIOUS AND CHANGE? But how, you might ask, do you make something conscious and change? Start by staying aware of your inward reactions (body, emotions, mind, and will).  Your body sensations and emotions in particular are signals from your subconscious. Also. your mind is not always your friend. When you are really upset, note that your mind can get in the way, telling you things are okay, while your body--your gut--is saying, “Watch out!” 

THE FASTEST WAY TO LASTING CHANGE.      Not only is awareness of your inward reactions the way to your subconscious and to change, it is the fastest way to lasting change. And here's some good news. Once you know what to look for and can identify your reactions, you can use the tools you have to stop repeating the same mistakes and change.

You can retrain yourself to do some different--better for you and those you care for. When you change your inward reactions, you can change your deep beliefs and choose your behaviors. You actually rewire your brain.

In my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, you will find, among other things, a mental checklist, tools, and 4 steps to help you recognize your inward reactions, change your deep beliefs, and choose your behaviors. Click here http://amzn.to/Xw2YMZ  to see inside the book.

You can retrain yourself, change, grow, and engage life more fully. 

Four Steps You Can Take Right Now To Change Your Life

Are you feeling stuck? Do you want to make some changes? You may feel conflicted, uncertain, or unequipped to make changes. You may even have felt this way for a while. But there is a way out. It's not complicated either. If you want to make changes to your life take these four steps. They can make a world of difference. But there's a secret. The four steps won't change you.

THE SECRET TO CHANGE     Guess what will help you change... Truth and compassion * Yes, ultimately in all situations, it is not tools, techniques or steps, but truth and compassion that bring genuine change and healing, 

FOUR STEPS FOR TRUTH AND COMPASSION/CHOICE AND CHANGE  Step 1 - Body: Pay attention. Stay aware. Be an "objective observer" of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. What truth is your body trying to tell you? If you feel stressed, have some tools on hand to help you manage your stress and move on to Step 2.

Step 2 - Emotions: Don't be afraid to know the truth of what you feel. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and label them. You do not have to act on them. Emotions are signals from your body that tell you to pay attention and decide if what you are doing, or what is being done to you, is helpful or harmful. If you don't have tools to interrupt negative emotions and replace them, learn some. Then use them. Emotions can enrich your life if you know how to manage them well.

Step 3 - Mind: If you manage your stress and negative emotions it's time to look for the meaning you are attaching to the person, thing, action or problem that is upssetting you. Now is the time to look at yourself and see what needs to change within you. Be honest and patient with yourself  and others. Can you you stop focusing on something or someone outside of you that you think is the problem? Are you willing to take responsibility for your part in the problem? If so, you give yourself choice.

When you can see the problem and the meaning you attach; if you take responsibility for what you think, feel, want, and do; you can see the problem but also look for your options and strengths. When you can see both, try to seesaw between the two until you are ready to choose which one you prefer to focus on. This choice is critical because whatever you focus on will result in more of the same. Your focus will cause you to see what you are already looking for! This causes or reinforces the formation of mental and behavioral habits, healthy and harmful. 

Step 4 - Will/Desires:  Now, if you have managed your stress, negative emotions, and the meaning you attach--Steps 1 through 3--you can stop trying to avoid or control everything inappropriately. You can do something different. You can make changes and take action to resolve issues win-win--so that you and others feel fairly dealt with. You can replace the negative and act on the positive.

These the 4 Steps of the Choice-Cube Method for choice and change found in Become the Person You Were Meant to Be. In addition to the 4 Steps, this book also provides a Checklist for self-understanding and Tools for choice and change. Once you learn the Steps and Tools you can use them over and over to find immediate relief in the present and to make long-term lasting changes.

*Truth is defined here as a relatively realistic and complete picture of yourself, others, and the situation.Compassion is defined as consciousness of others’ and your own distress with a desire to alleviate it.

Negative Emotions: The True Story

Negative emotions are normal. A daily part of life, they warn and often protect us. But negative emotions can also be dangerous and destructive. The difference depends on how long we allow them to hang around. 

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS: FRIEND OR FOE?    A negative emotion can warn a child to avoid a stranger. But if that child fails to understand his fear and begins to automatically fear anyone who is different, well, that’s another matter. Then fear is no longer a friend but an enemy. Failure to understand and let go of a negative emotion is the problem, not the emotion itself.

5 WAYS NEGATIVE EMOTIONS CAN HURT US     Negative emotions we hold onto hurt us in five major ways. First, they use up energy. Second, they lock in painful and distorted thoughts and mental pictures. Third, they can lead to unhelpful behaviors. Fourth, they keep us in conflict. Fifth, they can lower our immune system and our ability to fight off disease. As Woody Allen implied in a film, he didn't deal with his feelings, he stuffed them and grew a tumor instead.

WHAT TO DO?    What’s the answer? Simple enough. We must stay aware of our negative emotions, acknowledge them, and let go of them safely and appropriately. By "safely and appropriately" I mean without playing the victim or deliberately hurting others. This is a learned skill. We can train ourselves to do this.

I have been a counselor/therapist in private practice for twenty plus years, taught graduate students at George Washington University, and recently published my first book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method http://amzn.to/uHGKQ5I would love to share with you what I have learned about the skill of managing negative emotions. Visit my website www.choicecube.com.