Doomed To Make The Same Mistake One More Time?

JEN’S STORY.      Jen is plagued with feelings of guilt and regret. She can’t control her rage. Last night, she yelled at her youngest child again because he accidentally spilled his juice on a brand new tablecloth. She hates herself for it now.

She has promised herself over and over that she’ll never do that again. But then another little accident happens, which sends her over the edge. Her son is 5-years-old, for crying out loud! He’s still terribly clumsy, Jen understands that. Now. But she didn’t see it that way last night.

IS SHE DOOMED?      Is Jen doomed to react with rage? Is it simply who she is? Of course, not! She can change!

EASIER SAID THAN DONE.      But it’s easier said than done. What Jen doesn’t understand is that no matter how hard she tries to be more patient with her son she will not succeed unless she changes the beliefs and the inward reactions that cause her angry outbursts.

Her reactions (stress, negative emotions, thoughts and desires) and her angry behaviors result from some painful “unfinished business” and distorted beliefs -- things too painful to bear locked away in her subconscious mind. Only a real conscious effort will enable her to change them.

JEN'S TASK.      Her task is to make what is subconscious conscious. But why? Isn’t it better to just leave these painful things alone? Why bring it all back to the surface?

The answer is that unless we make some things conscious, we are doomed to make the same mistakes over and over. Hopefully, there comes a time when we realize we don’t want to keep making the same mistakes. We want to change.

HOW DO WE MAKE SOMETHING CONSCIOUS?      But how do we make something conscious? I suggest that we start with staying aware of our body sensations and emotions. Usually, when dealing with the subconscious, our mind is not our friend! It just gets in the way. Our mind may be telling us things are okay, but our body--our gut--is saying, “Watch out!”

At moment like this, our conscious mind is not what we should be paying attention to. If we are wise, we will learn to pay attention to signals from our subconscious that surface as our inward reactions--the reactions of  of our body (stress), negative emotions, mind/mental pictures, and  will/desires.

THE FASTEST WAY TO LASTING CHANGE.      The fastest way to lasting change is through changing our inward reactions. Remember, these are the reactions of our body, emotions, mind, and will/desires. Once we know what to look for and can identify our reactions, we can begin to change them. And, good news! If we learn to work with our inward reactions, we can retrain ourselves to stop repeating the same mistakes. Even better, when we know how to change our inward reactions, we can change our deep beliefs and choose our behaviors. We can actually rewire our brain.

In my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, you will find, among other things, tools and 4 steps to help you recognize, and work through, your inward reactions and deep beliefs. Click here to see inside the book http://amzn.to/Ug268G. You can retrain yourself, change and grow, and engage life more fully. Also, click here http://www.choicecube.com to check out my website and learn about the method.  Copyright Dr. Beth Blevins Cujé 2011

Are You Conscious Of Your Subconscious?

PERCEPTION FILTERS – THE MEANINGS WE ATTACH
Cells within your body respond to your thoughts, specifically interpretive thoughts, i.e. the kind that explain to your subconscious mind how you see the world at a given point in time.

Let’s say you encounter a lion… when this happens you automatically go into survival mode…unless you are a lion tamer. In this case, unlike most people, you will have completely different beliefs about how to relate to a lion.

Based on your past experiences and the meanings you attach to the lion, you will be able to interact with the animal without activating your survival mode. Your beliefs will let your body and mind remain calm–in the brain’s “learning mode.”

Interpretive thoughts are beliefs. These thoughts or beliefs act as perception filters in your subconscious mind. They influence activation of certain processes within you as well as management of all your body’s systems. Your perceptions offer all the information your subconscious needs to operate and do the following:

- Guarantee your basic survival.

- Remind you of the emotional drives that connect you in a meaningful way to life.

THE JUDGE AND THE ROBOT

 Now, here are two key points. First, your conscious mind is like a judge and your subconscious mind is like a robot. The judge can rule over your subconscious mind…that is as long as you stay aware and mindful.

Your subconscious, a genius at multi-tasking, is designed to process huge amounts of information every second, while your conscious mind processes a much smaller amount at any given time. Therefore unless you know how to stay conscious of your subconscious, whenever you are distracted or overwhelmed, your subconscious will override your conscious mind and run your life.

Jack can stay out of bars as long as he makes a conscious effort to do so. But let him get too tired or angry, he automatically heads for the bar where he feels comfortable and happy.

Second, believe it or not, your subconscious cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is not real. So what you believe to be true becomes the truth for you. And you will express it in your body, emotions, mind, and behavior.

Annie is a beautiful girl, but she grew up thinking she was a “plain Jane,” She automatically dismisses complements and slouches around feeling ugly and unwanted.

HERE’S HOW IT WORKS

• You have an experience.
•  You automatically attach meanings-perception filters-to the people, things, or problems related to that experience.
•  These filters produce mind images that trigger emotions and physical sensations in your body.

Experience  >   Meaning Attached   >   Emotion(s)

It’s a tidy little package in which what you focus on causes your subconscious mind to bring up meanings that you attach to a person, thing, or problem. These meanings then set off emotions and physical sensations within your body that release hormones into your blood, affecting the chemical firing of neurons in your brain that lead to the same thoughts, emotions, and behavior and reinforce the whole cycle.

IT MAKES SENSE TO STAY CONSCIOUS OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS
Since your brain is always set to either a negative way of perceiving---a negative perception filter---or to a positive way of perceiving, it’s a good idea to become conscious of your subconscious. Awareness gives you some choice.

Dr. Beth Cuje, therapist and author of the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, gives you the chance to explore some of these ideas. Look inside the book at

Amazon.com

or download its first chapter for FREE. Just

click here

and get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.

4 Things That Keep You From Changing

Most of us understand at one point or another that there is something we should change in our lives. But we are unable to make this change. Why? Because we resist change. It's as simple as that. Instead of changing, we are stuck making the same unwise, inappropriate choices, time and again. But before we can break this vicious pattern of resistance, we must understand that there are four areas of inward reactions, four tendencies that keep us stuck and far from changing.

1.  Body: We Regress Under Stress, or “I just want to survive!”

With enough emotional, physical or mental stress, anyone will shift into survival mode. Our body takes charge, and all we want is to reach a safe place or get what we want. Rather than remain present and focused on solving the problem, we reach back to earlier experiences for familiar ways of coping. And we use these old coping mechanisms regardless of whether they are truly appropriate.

2.  Emotions: Repetition Compulsion, or “I have to do it again it until I get it right!”

If a problem remains unresolved, it will keep cropping up to demand resolution. Emotions that Wwe have failed to release and distorted thoughts drive us. We feel compelled to create situations that are similar to the original wound, loss or trauma. This is a reflection of our unconscious need to resolve issues. There is always the hope that things will turn out differently this time. But because of our issues, and because we are accustomed to dealing with them in a certain way, we simply repeat the same old strategies only to end up with the same old results.

 3.  Mind: Projections and Self-Fulfilling Prophecies, or “I must make the world outside of me agree with the world inside my head.”

We feel the drive to make the external world conform to our internal world. This need for consistency makes out mind seek out or create whatever confirms our beliefs. And we reject whatever contradicts them. Mental defenses such as denial and repression help us achieve this. If we can’t create the familiar situation, then we will simply imagine it, or project it. We constantly give off signals to make others see us in agreement with the distortions and lies of our past wounds. One way or another, we make our present reality agree with our. It's as if we create a negative prophecy about ourselves and then bring it to pass--a "self-fulfilling prophecy

4.  Will: The Path of Least Resistance, or “The devil I know is better than the devil I don’t know.”

It is natural to wish for things to remain the same rather than change; it maintains our homeostasis. There is also the fear of the unknown. Our innate, deep desire to keep things just the way they are, combined with our fear of the unknown, lead us to respond with the same strategies rather than move beyond our comfort zone-- our habitual ways of thinking, acting and feeling. This need to keep things the same makes us endure a dissatisfactory, often painful, present rather than face the discomfort of change and adjustment to something new. Instead of risking short-term pain for long-term gain, we choose short-term relief that leads to long-term pain. Wow!

Want to know how we can beat these old tendencies that hinder us and keep us from changing? The Choice-Cube Method® can help you. Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist and author of the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, is giving you the opportunity to download the first chapter of the book for FREE. Just click here and see what the Choice-Cube Method® can do for you today.