Dr. Beth shares insights about
relationships, stress, and more.
Howard just lay there in bed. He knew he had to go to work. But he felt so anxious and depressed, he didn't want to move. It felt like he had a paper bag over his head, and he didn't know why.
STUCK OR UNSTUCK? Have you ever awakened feeling out of sorts, not knowing why? When this happens, the temptation is to focus on how bad we feel. But this gets us stuck inside that brown bag on a mental merry-go-round.
Emotional stability and a wisely active lifestyle “can reduce health risks,
increase life satisfaction and significantly extend life,“ suggests
The Baltimore Longitudinal Study on Aging.
Picture the typical family dinner scene. Doug and Tina are enjoying a nice, quiet meal with their four-year-old son. Suddenly, little Timmy spills his glass of juice. Doug jumps up, shakes his finger at the boy and shouts, “What are you? Stupid? Look what you’ve done!”SOMETHING GOES WRONG Little Timmy is bewildered. What he doesn’t understand is that his Daddy went through the same thing as a little boy. His father relentlessly verbally abused him over little things like a spilled glass of juice.
Of course, when Tina confronts Doug with what has just happened, he feels bad for yelling at the poor kid. But he can’t stop reacting this way. What’s Doug doing here?
A ROBOTWEB? Doug is caught in a “robotweb”– a habit pattern–that involves every single part of him: his physical sensations, his emotions, his thoughts and his behaviors.
I was fascinated to hear Herman Cain, Republican candidate for President, clearly state that he refuses to be a victim. Would you agree that the opposite of a victim is a victimizer? It’s true. And everyone is capable of becoming both a victim and a victimizer.
But a third option exists. We always have the choice to respond to people and situations as victims, victimizers, or as problem-solvers looking for a win-win solution.
One of Scarlett O’Hara’s most memorable quotes is, “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.” Now, when you’re feeling upset, agitated, flustered or frustrated, it might seem sensible to wait a day or two before dealing with your problems…but is it, really?
Everyone is born wanting to avoid pain and suffering. When you get burned you pull your hand back, don’t you? It's only human to want to avoid pain. And this is the appropriate way of dealing with this type of pain.
The problem arises when we deal with pain and suffering in inappropriate ways. Here are four inappropriate ways we try to avoid issues. Take a look.
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