What's Next America?
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It starts with understanding that we have choice. We can choose to be open, curious, problem-solvers, committed to creating safety for others as we create safety for ourselves. Or we can be overwhelmed by the “fight or flight” response, and become aggressive victimizers or helpless victims.
As individuals, we are beginning to wake up. Now, is the time to embrace a powerful vision for change that we can all share to help us as a nation go forward, not backwards.
CHC means we are:
Connected to be best of who we are. We set aside our conditioned, programmed mind and begin listening to our positive, conscious mind.
Honest with ourselves and our adversaries. We are open, eager to understand, and to resolve issues “win-win.”
Compassionate. We accept and respect ourselves, showing kindness and empathy for ourselves so that we can do the same for others.
We all want positive change, but where does such change start? It starts with each one of us taking responsibility for how we react to life and its many challenges! Do we react as defensive victims, victimizers, or open, curious problem-solvers?
As long as we continually swing between feeling like helpless victims, who shift to become aggressive victimizers, we cannot be open, curious problem-solvers. We will continue in what I call the “victim-victimizer swing,” which takes us nowhere. Problems will only be dealt as we all wake up, deal with our defensive victim-victimizer reactions, and together commit to finding “win-win” solutions.
We can then approach our problems and our lives as problem-solvers. We can stay grounded and rightly connected to ourselves and others. We can find ways to deal with the distortions of the victim-victimizer swing, choices that help us do something different.
Staying connected to ourselves, we can help one another feel listened to and feel respected. We can begin to share our pain and losses with honesty and compassion, becoming valuable, problem-solving citizens of this country.
As we commit to creating safety for one another as well as for ourselves, we shift our focus from crushing problems to workable solutions. Doing this consistently, we create safety for ourselves, safe space for ideas that differ from ours, and “win-win solutions. Approaching people and issues (CHC) can become a shared experience. Let us come from a place of self-acceptance and self-respect, even love for who we are so that we can accept and respect others. For those of us who struggle with this, there are ways to help one another move beyond that struggle.
In this hurting world, being CHC can take us out of the victim-victimizer swing to problem-solving partnerships within ourselves and with one another. This simple vision for change that starts with you and me makes sense. It is also a vision that is attainable.
Here’s something you can do right now to move toward being CHC. First, hold onto the vision of being a problem-solver. Second, recognize when you become a victim or a victimizer and use this simple tool called the “miracle breath” to help you pull out of victim-victimizer defensiveness. Breathe slowly and deeply (click for a special exercise). Notice that what you are paying attention to and what you are doing are one. In this moment, you are integrated, present and aware, in a place to choose wisely. Jim, for example, was frustrated with his boss. One day, Jim realized that every time they spoke, he would start chewing on his tongue with irritation. He realized that only made him more frustrated. Jim decided to use the “miracle breath” whenever he caught himself doing that. Using that simple tool helped pay attention to his breath and body instead of automatically flipping into anger. Staying connected to himself in this way, he had the choice to step out of the victim-victimizer swing, be honest with his boss about his frustration, but to do it in a win-win way. It felt risky, but it worked with his boss who was a reasonable man.
Remember, CHC means we are:
Connected to be best of who we are. We set aside our conditioned, programmed mind and begin listening to our positive, conscious mind.
Honest with ourselves and our adversaries. We are open, eager to understand, and to resolve issues “win-win.”
Compassionate. We accept and respect ourselves, showing kindness and empathy for ourselves so that we can do the same for others.
