FEAR IN THE MIX When life seems unbalanced, look for fear somewhere in the mix. “Fear? Anxiety? What kinds of fear are you talking about?” you might ask.
THREE COMMON FEARS Let’s start with three of the most obvious fears we face every day: fear of confronting someone, fear of making the wrong choice, and fear making a big change in our life. We do not want the pain and trouble that might come from taking these actions. But is that all there is to it?
HIDDEN FEARS No indeed. Underneath these three fears lie two deeper, often hidden fears: First, we fear feeling abandoned and alone, rejected by the ones that matter to us, or by people in general.
(It does not matter how old or experienced we are, we all have this fear and need to deal with it.)
By the way, being rejected includes having people make fun of us.
Second, we have a fear of feeling inadequate and worthless. True, others can reject and abandon us, causing us to feel awful. But sometimes we reject and abandon ourselves! This can be just as painful.
HIDDEN FEARS CAN HURT US Whether we realize it or not, we all live with these two fears: the fear that others will abandon or reject us and the fear of feeling inadequate or worthless because we reject ourselves. These fears can get us in trouble and keep us from becoming who were meant to be.
On the one hand, to avoid facing our fears, some of us drink too much, are TV addicts, are workaholics, or have dangerous sex. Or we just go numb!
On the other hand, some of us, wanting to control these feelings, try harder and harder to fix things. But nothing really changes. Perhaps we use anger to control others or a situation. Or, to name another control strategy, we try to figure things out but end up stuck on a mental merry-go-round. We can’t stop thinking about the problem, but never seem to find the right answer.
Through repetition, we have conditioned our brain/mind and body to automatically and mindlessly think, feel and act in the same ways over, and over, and over. But there is good news.
WE CAN EXPOSE AND OVERCOME OUR FEARS and the harmful behaviors they cause. There is a way to do it and it is always the same! It starts with realizing that others do not make us think, feel and act a certain way. Others only trigger well-established patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that we already have.
ONCE WE ARE AWARE AND WILLING to take full responsibility for our reactions--to bravely look at them as if we were "objective observers,"we are ready to move on and become the best of who we are.
In my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, available on www.amazon.com, I give you four steps and some simple, but powerful tools to help you understand your fears and to change them. Here’s a chance to download the book’s first chapter for FREE. Just click here to learn more and find out what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.