Stay Aware and Enjoy Little Pleasures. You Can Create a Happiness Habit!

“What in the world are you doing?” I asked with a smile. 

Jim was gently rubbing his collarbone with his left hand.

 “Rubbing it in.” he smiled back as he gave one last, quick rub. 

“Rubbing what in?” 

“The good feeling of being here with you, of course.” he replied.    

Then it dawned on me. Jim was taking time to focus on the good feelings we were sharing as he “rubbed it in.”  He was adding one more positive moment of life to a new habit of being happy. He was retraining his brain!

You’ve heard the phrase,  “ Take time to smell the roses.” Corny but true.  Taking time to savor and be grateful for the sweetness of a ripe peach, the good feeling that comes with a genuine compliment, the joy of a family at dinner having a good belly laugh together, or like Jim, the pleasure of just hanging out together.

Positive psychologist, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, suggests that these “good” events are typically subtler than the negative ones and harder to recognize. Also, she says that we tend to take positive feelings in stride because they are less novel, not necessarily out of the ordinary, and not threatening. Studies show, however, that good events outnumber bad events by three or four or five to one and that staying aware of them is good for us.

Happy people generally have better medical, dental and psychological health, suggests Dr. Kurtz of the University of Virginia and coauthor of Positively Happy. Positive people also tend to see improvement in the physical and  psychological conditions of people around them.

Here’s the point. Do you tend to focus on the negative? Do you find yourself craving continuous moments of high passion and intensity and disappointed with the small things in life? Or do you have a mindset that allows you to look for and enjoy those micro-moments of positivity? You have choice!  Instead of automatically going to the negative, you can choose to look for, and enjoy life’s everyday small moments of pleasure, good relationships, satisfactions, and joy. And there’s more good news. You have lots of them.   Your choice…


2018 Choice-Cube Publications LLC. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License. Reproduction, copying, or redistribution (electronic or otherwise, (including on the World Wide Web), in whole or in part is encouraged provided the attribution Choice-Cube Publications is preserved.

Can A Leaky Heart Be Full Again?

Mom, you can't fill a leaky heart." my son said in a recent conversation. Humm, I knew "leaky" meant wounded and bleeding. I wondered, "Can such a heart ever be full again?"

Upon reflection, my answer is, " Yes.” We can fix our leaky hearts, if we are honest and compassionate with others and ourselves. Honesty and compassion are the healers.

Stopping the leak is rarely easy. We must be willing to forgive and to accept forgiveness. Also, being honest and compassionate with ourselves and others can be a huge challenge requiring time, courage, and humility. Rummaging around in old thoughts and feelings can hurt, really hurt until we finally let go of them.

But we can do it!

I admit to having a leaky heart, but it’s healing. Honesty and compassion are working for me. What about you? Would you like to give honesty and compassion a try?

I would love to hear from you.

Oh, Oh, Time For The "Miracle Breath!"

How many times a day do you need to take a deep breath to buy some time or clear your head and refocus? When you need to refocus, give the “Miracle Breath” a try.  This simple little breathing exercise can help you get out of the parts of your brain that control fear and desire and get you back into your frontal cortex. Frontal cortex? What’s that? That’s the part of your brain that helps you think clearly and plan ahead. It’s right there behind the bones of your forehead. 

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Failure by Self-Sabotage

Dan lay flat on his back in the bed. The hotel room felt stuffy and hot, and he felt sick to his stomach. “How could I ever have done such a stupid thing? What was I thinking? he asked himself.  His short blond hair was flattened with sweat, but he just lay there and he kept asking himself “Why am I’m such a loser?”

Have you ever found that you failed because you did nothing at all or you did the opposite of what you needed to do? That’s what Dan did. Even with an IQ of 145 and genuine writing talent, his lack of discipline and fear of failure had once again caused him to sabotage himself!  Self-sabotage is when you act in opposition to what you are trying to accomplish.

There are lots of ways to sabotage ourselves. Dan’s problem was procrastination. Putting things off had caused him to lose more that one terrific opportunity, but this one was the worst. He had a great idea for a play, and some big spenders from Broadway were interested in backing him. But he couldn’t make himself complete the script. This evening, they met with him and made it clear that they were no longer interested in trying to work with him. That was the end of it! Once more he had dropped the ball. Unable to finish the script, the great ideas and smart dialogue had just rolled around in head until he dropped them. 

What about you? Perhaps you have started a project: writing a book, launching a new business, buying some investment property but then you became overwhelmed and piddled along until you let it drop. Or maybe you went gangbusters for a while--until you had a set back--then you quit. You freaked out or froze. You stopped dead in your tracks and never started again. 

 Why do people fail this way?  What keeps us from becoming the people we were meant to be and from getting where we want to go? 

 Maybe we have tremendous talent and ability, but still seem to have trouble succeeding. The reason? Call it what you will: procrastination, letting the ball drop, losing our vision, losing our focus, fear of failure or fear of success, they all lead to self-sabotage and all have one thing in common.  

Old wiring of neurons in our brain causes our subconscious mind to override our conscious desire and drive for success. We go on auto-pilot and do two things that past experiences have programmed into our subconscious. First, we may fail to focus and discipline ourselves: We rather play than work. Second, we may struggle with fear. This fear is often hidden, but it can cause us to do the opposite of what we need to do to succeed.  

The good news is that our brain is not fixed like our shoe size. Because of the brain’s plasticity it’s never too late to change. Also, some failure is a necessary step for success. It's often through failure that we learn from our mistakes. Of course, failure is not our focus, but failure is where we can learn and make changes. With proper guidance and training, our brain can rewire itself and take on new patterns of success. 

Why not start now to do something different and rewire your brain! My book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be–The Choice-Cube© Method, can help you understand yourself This book shows how to use the practical tools and take the 4 steps of the Choice-Cube Method to manage your emotions and change your life.